Soulst0p called me out this week for one of our impromptu Souplantation runs.
How many times do you forget that coupon at home and somehow end up at the business establishment for which it’s valid? Yeah, same here. So I was excited to tear off one of the Dinner-for-$7.39 coupons on my fridge. It was time to get my grub on.
We met up, got two plates each and started piling it on. By the time we got to the salad dressing (the bread, soup are beyond the cashier point), a black couple had caught up to us. I was eager to not forget the coupon in my pocket and save $1.61 before tax for each of us (we were at the Beverly Center, but there are bigger savings to be had at the Brentwood location, where dinner is I think $9.39 there). I handed the cashier the coupon, and remembered the coupon was good for 4. On a whim, I said to “include these two,” as I pointed to the couple next to me.
The cashier looked at me and nodded, although the couple ended up later getting rung up by someone else–with the savings passed on. And while my impulse was to just let them know that my coupon had saved them $1.61 each, I first noticed that they were in an involved conversation with each other. And then, it seemed as though my attempt to claim credit would have appeared futile and petty.Â
I can see it now. I’d wave my arms. Lean over to get their attention. Interrupt their conversation. “Heyyy…yo!! Yo…!! Yoo hoooo!! I just saved you 3 dollah!!” in the most obnoxious way possible. And the response I would expect? It would undoubtedly be life-long friendship and undying gratitude. Yeah, sure.Â
So instead, I just decided not to say anything. They never noticed the discount. I decided, too, that I was fine with it–and it would be kind of an effed up thing not to be okay with it.
Does it really make a benevolent act more worthwhile if you get credit for it? Or instead, doesn’t it actually detract from the altriusm of the act, itself? Aren’t the philanthropic motives somewhat tainted when philanthropy wasn’t, in fact, the main or only point in the first place?  Are not altruism, benevolence, philanthropy and charity synonymous with “selfless?”
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a dedicated altruist. I’m too impatient. Self-absorbed, even. Case in point, I’m freaking writing about saving someone 3 freaking dollars, here. Isn’t that pretentious.
I saw this birthday card once. On the front, it said, “Happy Birthday to you” with a cute little avant garde floral design on it. On the inside, it said, “And good karma to me for sending these wishes.” I remember laughing out loud inside that gift shop. So true.
I believe in that.  Not to the tee, nor do I think “good things” should ever be expected–but I do believe in the effect of actively sending off a positive chain of events because it’s the right thing to do, and probably more importantly it’s the right habit to form. Do these things make me feel good? Yes. Does getting credit make me feel even better? I’d be lying if I said no. Can anyone even help that the act of even getting credit does make someone feel good? No. In fact, if you took away that fuzzy feeling people get for giving money–even if not to actually help someone but to alleviate their own conscience for living a better life than others–then what charitable monies would remain?
By the way, who cares that Angelina Jolie is rescuing and adopting these poor kids from far-off nations when there are plenty of orphans in the country? At least she is doing something. What are you doing for charity? What’s with criticizing how she is charitable?
What use can you derive out of an inherently good action? Is credit the end to the means or is it just the cherry on top? Would lack of credit change your decision to carry out the generous action?
Too many questions. But anyway, I had a resolution come out of this. I’ve made a conscious decision to perform random acts of kindness–preferably more consequential than including others on a coupon–with the sole result of not attaining credit for these acts. Perhaps I should make some sort of goal or benchmark, like one a week, but I have yet to ponder how to go about it. I’ll update you when I come to it. 
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Love,
*e
If we decided not to do these things because we didn’t feel we are truly altruistic, then there wouldn’t be much charity in the world.
Nice job with being nice, even though nobody (except for the entire blog universe
) knew about it.
From Matthew 6 (The Message)-
When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself…When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.
doing good deeds makes you feel good since you are actualizing compassion and empathy.
getting “credit” for the good deeds makes only your ego feel good and since most of us are still attached to our ego, if our ego feels good, we also tend to feel good.
regarding adoption (Val and I looked into the possibility)
to adopt a local orphan will cost $5,000 to $40,000. (one website said it would cost at least 12K for Maryland) International adoption costs $7,000 to $30,000.
The paperwork for domestic is supposedly worse and more difficult than international… guess it is harder for an international person to sue you.
Yeah, I too put quarters in strangers’ expired meters. I just hope their not idiots. What am I doing for charity? I just wrote an article in an April issue of The Monkey’s Trunk. I hope it’ll better the world. And I also flatten moguls to make the world a better place to live.
er, they aren’t…
there’s a biologic theory of “altruism”. certain species will sacrifice themselves for their own offspring, but strange some will sacrifice themselves for more distant relatives.
some smart scientists figured out that basically, you can only at max give 1/2 of your genes to the next generation in your progeny, and that is the goal of survival/procreation/evolution: getting that 1/2 to the next generation so they can procreate.
thus, you and each parent, you and a sibling all have 1/2 of your genes IBD (identical by descent). you and a cousin are 1/8 IBD.
they next stated that it makes “biologic” sense to sacrifice yourself if you can get 1/2 of your own genes to the next generation. so it’s reasonable a parent would obviously sacrifice themselves for their kid (if not for romantic ideas, but b/c they are done procreating, but they want to ensure that the 50% of their genes in the kid, survive to reproduce again).
but scientists noticed that certain birds in forests with limited nests and nesting areas, have difficulty finding mates because they’re homeless……well they have cousins who are homeless and can’t procreate, but will help raise the young of others. they figured, if you can help ensure the survival of 4 cousins, that’s the equivalent of having 1 of your own kids (1/2 of your genes) live on to the next generation.
they didn’t believe that birds could be “altruistic”, so they came up with this theory of simple genetics and mathematics.
after that lecture, i started to seriously question if there really was such a thing as altruism or if it was a evolutionary tool built in to help the species survive. and if certain “saints” are simply altruistic for selfish reasons (warm fuzzies) or to try to get ot heaven.
but enjoy jibber-jabber. i’m down with discounts at buffets. hook a brother up, e*….
I have yet to go to souplantation!!! No one wants to go with me!
@chng, that’s a good point about overseas adoption. she has a lot to worry about as far as sue-happy americans (generally speaking). @pepin–great verse, i appreciate your referencing it.
@big league–interesting point regarding genes and all…now what about altruism towards non-relatives? purely for the fuzzy feeling? or is there such thing?
RE altruism- philosophical or genetic arguments aside, look at it from a low leve practical view. It makes sense to encourage more altruism, as you never know when you’ll need the help yourself.
I think it’s unfortunate that Jolie’s adoption has sort of turned adoption into a fashion statement, but that doesn’t make it any less admirable… if you ask me, less people should have their own kids and more people should adopt. Too bad the ‘my own children’ mindset carries so much weight!
wait you just cost soup plantation $3…is that really being altruistic? you just made someone poorer.
PPPPPP
LOL
you’re really nice e! to have done that.