e*star LA

So, in another fell swoop to inform my readers about the truth and oppression of mindless fadtastic trends which have duped all other members of the public, I felt it my duty to update you all that California has ruled that Pinkberry is not allowed to label their dessert “frozen yogurt.” (You can also view my first report.)

The main issue of contention for Pinkberry and its lawyers is a provision in the California Food and Agricultural Code statutes that requires the product to be pasteurized at the plant where it is processed and packaged.

I found it quite interesting that the very definition of “frozen yogurt” in fact hinders the taste of the dessert, according to Pinkberry themselves:

In May, lawyers from the company issued a letter from their expert to the department stating the pasteurization process compromises the product quality – its signature tart taste.

Let’s review the definition of the word “paradox” instead (e.g. true lies) and add “tangy frozen yogurt” to the ranks. Tang without powder? Frozen yogurt without pasteurization? Unthinkable.

Interesting what the company has been doing to “comply”:

The company has removed all references to frozen yogurt from its marketing materials, and its Web site describes the product as “chilly bliss, honest food and dessert reinvented.” The site also posts a message to consumers: “As some of you are aware, claims have been made recently about the nature of our products. …We are, of course, investigating these claims and look forward to being able to demonstrate the quality of our product.”

Funny. I remember distinctly over the past few weeks seeing some construction sites announcing new Pinkberry locations still advertising “frozen yogurt”–for instance, Farmer’s Market by The Grove. Time to get on that, guys! Chop chop!

Chilly bliss, honest food and dessert reinvented. Pardon me, but does the “honest food” part reek of overcompensation much? Honest, how? I’ve missed it, somewhere, amidst all the deception and confusion. The “chilly bliss” metaphor also disturbingly reeks of an addiction to powdery substances. If their new motto isn’t enough to make you think twice, then well… I gotta ask, couldn’t you just keep it to “dessert?”

I can’t say the cost, itself, of one pack of cigarettes was enough to deter anyone. But if you’d rather spend the equivalent of that on one shot of “chilly bliss,” a.k.a. “honest food,” I guess go right ahead.

That isn’t even the end of the story. As if they’d take it lying down, I guess. In an effort to bide time, they’re working with an expert(!) scientist:

To market their product legally as frozen yogurt, Pinkberry has been working with a dairy science expert from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, potentially to change their original dry mix formula and the manner in which it is manufactured.

They’ve to end their health-conscious Angelenos-sponsored fadtastic wave, yet. Just you wait! Watch out for the expert scientist, now!!

Love,
*e

Also on:

LA Observed.com

Defamer.com

Gothamist.com:
Mice seen running around Pinkberry Upper East Side

Consumerist.com:
Pinkberry Upper East is vermin-infested