In Defense of Sunglasses At Night

Only in some circumstances is there a time and a place. The sporting of sunglasses is not one of them.

You’ve undoubtedly seen young gentlemen and young women wear sunglasses all hours of the day as if they never go out of style. I won’t lie–it’s rampant around here.

And sometimes it looks kind of ridiculous. Like you wanna point two finger guns at the suspect on the dance floor while mouthing to your friend, “Probably allergic to disco ball reflections.” Or green flood lights, if that’s suitable. I mean, these guys are wearing 100% UVA/UVB-blocking pupil protectors inside nightclubs. Or simply at night.

And then other times, you just want to thank The Accessory Gods for giving us a gift as versatile as The Sunglasses. At no other time in history has one accessory had the capability of single-headedly rectifying any disastrous outfit.

A Haiku To Sunglasses

Chanel, LV, Coach
Bigger they are the better
I could wear just sweats

But you know, there are plenty enough reasons why people wear sunglasses inside nightclubs. In Southern California, the sun is not only at its brightest. Our days are the longest–in fact, it is out practically all hours of the day. This just means that we need to protect our precious eyes that much more zealously. Other Americans may be jealous of “our” sun, but what they don’t know is that sometimes we are simply at war with it. Yes. It’s a battlefield out there. If our vision is at stake, who cares that we get everyone looking at us because they’re just jealous of our style? (Similarily, who cares that we’re in Iraq for oil if it means we’re finding Saddam’s WMDs?)

Don’t think it’s not about utility. Research has shown that the sun is so bright ONLY in Southern California, in fact, that sunlight makes its way into specific nighttime business establishments and straight into the eyes of only the hottest of hipster trend hos. And if you have style, your eyes are at stake. And there’s something to be said about wearing sunglasses at night, period. You can capture my feelings on this subject by listening to the lyrics of late Corey Hart’s song from 1983, “Sunglasses At Night.”

Sunglasses At Night by Corey HartI wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Watch you live and breathe your storylines

(And) I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can
Keep track of the visions in my eyes

While she’s deceiving me
It cuts my security (has)
She got control of me
I turn to her and say

Don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no
Don’t masquerade with the guy in shades, oh no
I can’t believe it!
Don’t be afraid of the guy in shades, oh no
It can’t escape you
‘Cause you got it made with the guy in shades, oh no

I said I wear my sunglasses
I wear my sunglasses at night
Wear my sunglasses at night…

Corey Hart was on to something. It only took almost 2 1/2 decades for the rest of us to catch on.

Protect the environment. Wear your sunglasses. Because your eyes are an “element” of the environment around us. In fact, forget your suncreen entirely and wear only sunglasses. Sunscreen does nothing for fashion*.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts on the matter. Sport your shades with pride. Inside and on the outside. And don’t switch the blade on the guy in shades, either. Also, if you don’t live in Southern California (or even if you do), yet see this fabulous, protective trend catching on in your area, don’t forget to report here. You heard it here first.

Love,
*e

I present to you a totally uncomprehensive gallery of images showcasing sunglasses at night:

Sunglasses At Night #1 Sunglasses At Night #2 Sunglasses At Night #3 Sunglasses At Night #4 Sunglasses At Night #5 (credit to ktownfug)

* e*starLA is not responsible for sun damage caused by blind compliance with this advice.