e*star LA

I can’t lie. Like everyone, I’ve had a lot of disappointing experiences with human interaction. I dunno, though. Because there are always three sides to the story–my side, the other guy’s side and the truth. Actually, there’s probably more than three sides to the story (probably hexagonal or something), because you got all these feelings involved and everyone’s got that traumatic incident they’ve had at like Age 8 and/or 15 that they’ll never forget. There are always different backgrounds brought to the table. Different values, different fears. A different number or set of parents and siblings surrounding the other. Different friends. Also, different expectations–of ourselves and of other people.

And despite the fact that I try to remain conscientious about this and do my best to love, the best to respect the other person’s situation, I still think sometimes that my side of the story is plain and simple: This other guy’s a cocky bastard.

It’s just easy to pass it off as that. As if that summary were enough to explain things.

Sure, I’m not saying that I don’t have my share of issues. After all I’m human. I’m not perfect–though once upon a time I thought the goal in life was to appear as if I were.

But “at least” I’m not cocky. I don’t know how cocky became this entirely fatalistic character trait, but I’m gonna give it a whirl anyway. To necessarily be full of oneself. To frustrate at first interaction because now you know that all the other guy is interested in is himself. Like how they say, “Well you know, gotta look out for #1.”

No, I don’t really agree with that. It’s a blanket excuse for acting like a jackass. Disowning the consequences of action you’ve taken so you can relinquish the responsibility of the outcome. And then there’s the question of being wise with one’s resources and not disseminating influence or energy to others who horde it only to themselves.

There are a few behaviors that are certainly off-putting. I’ve been learning a lot about them lately. (Yeah, psychotherapy tends to do that.)  Especially about abandonment and invalidation. And to me, it’s like someone’s turned the light on on noting human interaction. In short, there are signs that flag types of people who just hog all the energy in the room or from select people. Also, individuals who add to that energy–and others who kill it. Depending on the situation, roles may be changed or even reversed.

It feels like it’s an intrusion of personal space, of personal worth and value–when others hog our energy. But the truth of the matter is that we all do it. I definitely do it, and sometimes I realize that I’m doing it as it’s happening. Sometimes, we get duped into thinking that the only energy available is from other people.

But we can all work with consciousness and intention towards being the people we want to be. Potential is such an awesome thing, as is our place in the world and how we work to channel a greater energy that’s bigger than us.

In the end, we’re just broken people who have been bent out of shape by our interaction with other broken people. But we all have the power to move towards something better. We can let go. We can choose to not receive (or subject ourselves to) that which makes us feel less whole. And we can also help others to realize that too.

It’s interesting that sometimes we note that “cocky” people may simply be compensating for something that’s incomplete inside. Before, it would be so easy to just pass them off as not worth the time…until I remember that I really just have no idea. 

Love,
*e