I’ve always found “disillusionment” wrought with negative connotation. It’s a standard coming-of-age type thing everyone goes through where we find out, surprisingly or not surprisingly, we’re not going to be the next rocket scientist. The next secretary of state, or pancreatic surgeon. That that guy or girl is not, in fact, the love of your life. Or that everything is not going to be peachy now that you are (your wife is) making $X salary. Very often, actually, it’s a lot more personal than that.
But suddenly I’m looking at the root word, “illusion,” and I’m reminded it’s synonymous with “fantasy” and “false impression.” Then, I’m thinking, isn’t disillusionment a good thing? If I’ve been romanticizing a falsehood then wasn’t it the best thing to get that out of my system, anyway?
Sometimes, we’re stuck in a rut but it’s not a matter of knowing how to get out of it–it’s that oftentime we don’t want to. It’s a delicate balance between having determination, perserverence … and banging our heads up against the wall.
So why do we bang our heads up against the wall? We call it perserverence or our “plan” but what if we make no progress or come to harm ourselves–intellectually, mentally or spiritually? We just look for the next distraction. The next addiction. The next deal and the next buck all the while convincing ourselves that we have control. Where is the hope?
If we see no reason to change things, it means that–through now–we’ve had no reason to change our value systems. More simply put, we see no reason to change our priorities, or reevaluate any of our past choices. And I think this, in a way, is our most innate sense of survival lashing out. We seek to justify the basis of our existence, purpose and the way we’ve figured out how best to do or deal with things. It’s nature and nurture–most likely a combination of both. And we try to convince ourselves that what we’ve learned along way while growing up is the best way. That the destination for which we’re striving towards is the ultimate goal.
And so. The conception of “disillusionment” being a tragedy irks me. What if the resulting consequence is just a shift in values, a reprioritization? Wouldn’t this just mean that we are vulnerable–and imperfect–at our core? That just might be the truth. Reality, if you will. Wouldn’t it be a good thing to change something that needs to be changed instead of being stuck on the fact that that something’s not all it’s cracked up to be?
That’s not to say that I don’t think that the most important thing in our lives is to dream. Because it is–it’s simply having vision. It’s having the foresight. Thinking not outside the box but without even the recognition of one. Working hard. To play it smart and well, mixing in a minimal amount of business sense never hurt anyone. What is the ultimate way to achieve happiness? If you had to choose a life full of pleasure or a life full of meaning–which would you choose?
Too often, our interpretations reveal less about that which we interpret than they do about ourselves. They reveal what we want to defend, what we want to attack, what we want to ignore, what we’re unwilling to question…
It’s just good to be adaptable, sometimes.
*e
6 Comments
well said!
Thank you.
Good points. Sometimes “everything” seems to be going wrong in our lives, and the typical reaction is, “God, do you hate me or something?” But perhaps what’s really happening is that He’s thinking, “No, it’s precisely the opposite. I love you, and that’s why I don’t want you to settle for merely what you *think* is best. Let me show you more.”
“Disillusionment” cannot be a bad thing if it merely reveals the true value of that which we once idolized (”idolized” in the negative sense). On the other hand, when something is greater than we ever imagined it to be, further examination and time will only show more of its true nature or value.
For a large part of my life, I would have to say that I have been a disillusioned person. In fact, many of my friends have used that term to describe me. It was either “disillusioned” or “disenchanted”. You can see it in my xanga. I think the negative connotations with being disillusioned revolve around the associated fall from happiness with yourself and your surroundings.
It’s a tough line to walk. When you demystify those “truths” that exist to keep us happy, how do you avoid the fall into despair at the real truth? Who’s to say which is better? Would we rather be happy with the illusion, or miserable with reality. There is, of course a balance in between, but I personally find it very hard to achieve.
Interesting entry. A lot of people see things the way they want them to be, rather than the much healthier seeing things the way they are and working towards the way they want them to be. Kind of vague, but it goes from everything: to people spending more than their means to eating disorders. Heck, even the Bush administration really wanted WMDs to be in Iraq to justify their invasion. Perhaps a social disillusioning is in order.
By the way, my website is now alive; have a look.
@Charles: It’s often in our trials when we reevaluate what is most important to us. Without the “pressure cooker” we wouldn’t be forced to come to such conclusions or even decisions. Of course it flat-out sucks and during such times we sometimes wish it would be just over as soon as possible–so long as the pain goes away–but would we have proceeded to learn anything about the world around us or about ourselves? What we can only hope for to come is clarity.
@soulst0p: I remember. I often forget that disillusionment can become not just a feeling that we feel but a state of being. That’s when it becomes overwhelming. Of course, it’s also been described as flat-out depression. As I asked in this entry, Where is the hope? No one can answer that for anyone else.
But for you, I can just say that with having gotten to know you over the past 10 years–I can’t express how much joy I felt for you when you told me you were going to film a movie in Hong Kong…disillusionment period and all. I am guessing it makes everything that has come and is to come that much sweeter. And has made you work that much harder.
@lexybeast: I agree that we all see things through our distorted lens in one way or another. It’s in line with the concept that there simply is no such thing as “completely neutral” or “having no bias.” I guess it follows then that we all need our own disillusioning events tailored to our own bigotedness.
Btw, already commented but love the site. Congratulations.