“Well, that’s interesting,” I said. “What is it guys like about crazy girls? Is it in the same vein as being attracted to someone that’s unattainable? You can’t haveÂ her if you tried …Â or, Wow, she’sÂ so unpredictibleÂ you just wantÂ her more?”
“Naw. I think it’s like, the crazier they are, the more guys are driven crazy or nuts. So, they justÂ think that they love ’em more.”
I understood. “Ohhh… So like, it’s kind of a ‘hurts so much’ -type thing whereÂ the emotion is so strong, even though it’s a bad emotion, the dramaÂ makes them feel alive and intense or something. And it feels like love for some reason.”
Let me do the honors:
- “You’re better than this.”
- “You don’t have to live like this.”
- “He/she doesn’t deserve/appreciate you.”
I admit I was probably a crazy girl, once. Crazy in that angry kind of way. I waited for people to fail me, whether I trusted them prematurely or not. But sometimes you just gotta look at yourself and see if your perspective was right in the first place–if you’re making too many excuses for any one person, including yourself. Generally speaking, extraverts operate by deriving their energy from other people. I’d learn eventually. Trial and error, really.
Unless you pretend to be better than everyone else all the time.
While IÂ was still sorting stuff out, IÂ gained a quality of reclusivenessÂ while becoming desperate for more connections.Â (Don’t ask if that’s even possible.) It’s a dichotomy of sorts. There are different behaviors associated with both–that is, devolving into the black hole you’ve created for myself,Â while other timesÂ passing on the bitterness and projectingÂ your anger and fears onto others. WithÂ other people, you might evenÂ become too forgiving just to have the companionship of, yes, crazy people.Â It’s a way of dealing with the pain of beingÂ yourself or something.Â (Cue the addiction post.)
Where is the point where it all becomes too unbearable–making us determined it’s time to change things for good? When is the crazyness a charade to deal with things and where isÂ the point where it becomesÂ who we are? Some of us just need a sort of intense emotion fix. Drama for your mama.
Just calm down. Please. Be nice to people. Be nice to my friends.
Besides, that stuffÂ so early-twenties.