e*star LA

I suppose that if I had new year’s resolutions that would mean that I have expectations. I’m not saying that I don’t have expectations but to be able to formulate them and articulate them into actual point-by-point resolutions, this time of year over any other, would be an entirely different matter. And that brings us to the futility of this blog post. It’s about the goals I want to have for the new year but not exactly being able to come to terms with exactly what they are.

I will give you that to not have expectations means you won’t be disappointed. If you don’t have goals to meet – nor intervals of time with which to meet that which you haven’t set – it means you haven’t failed. Not having goals is a win-win situation, really.

Or lose-lose. Depends on who you ask.

Clearly, I’m not goal-oriented. That is not to say that I lack ambition. I think the intention behind the action is more important. Progress is a process. So while it’s good to have goals, it’s good to have expectations with which we fulfill by our daily activities – what is it about this time of year that we have to lay out what they are just before we perform a little kindergarten math and add 1? If each goal or benchmark is unique, isn’t its timing as well?

It’d be ignorant to pretend that things didn’t happen in cycles. I have respect for the seasons, the months - yes, even the numbers – if only because I realize I would be completely erratic without the cycles that take place outside of me, thus centering me somewhat. And it’s these revolutions which make us reflect upon where we were 1, 2 or 20 cycles ago.

I also respect the process of goals, but with the way I’m wired, I think of goals more as the extension of our priorities. I know that personally, in 2007, my priorities have changed immensely and so much for the better. The goals, as they existed for the year, were just semantics and became irrelevant once the priorities changed. Goals are static and inflexible. Too often are there forks and curves in the road where it is the best thing to do a bit of reassessment.

Clearly, I am not of the structured type but of the unstructured. I am not good with follow-through. And so flow the alignment of my priorities – which I am continually figuring out. If they’re not changing by a landslide, they’re being constantly manipulated and tweaked. So in the end, the goals I set will remain in the niche areas of life, also general if not outright vague. Let’s take a look:

• Become more financially secure,
• Work hard, play hard,
• Be a good mommy to Rufus,
• Continue growing spiritually,
• Find my passion(s)

There’s nothing specific about these goals to 2008. And as is so apparent, I am incompetent in the area of details. Goals are good when they’re specific (so you can figure out if you’ve met them), so it follows that I’m essentially horrible in goal-setting. I give up – my brain works with concepts and ideas, not blueprints. Quite frankly, I’m too lazy to come up with goals that are meaningful. Priorities are exactly that, inherently.

This is my ode to a progressive 2008. Lord, grant me the ambition wheretoforth the meaning of that may be. I am improvisational. I am always listening, and I am always open.