On the new site created by the 9rules Triad, Quofda.com (short for Question of the Day, you hussies), they ask question to which people can answer on their own blogs. And that’s the glory of the trackback. Today they asked, “Why is the grass always greener?”
It’s an answer to the lack of blog posts on here, lately, since it has become just the inspiration I needed.
If I were a Brit, I would imagine I would answer something to the effect of, “… because complacency is bloody bullocks” in an accent better than Madonna’s.
But like Madonna I’m not a Brit so you get this bloody blog post.
It goes so many ways, really. You can take it from the perspective of a pessimist’s, which comes from a place of envy. And let’s be honest: when you look at what you don’t have, it’s only because you envy what someone else does have. Your negative reaction is the equal and opposite to their action.
In this case, you consider the grass greener “on the other side of the fence.” Glass-half-empty sort of stuff. And let’s not kid ourselves here; it’s the kind of thinking any well-adjusted human would remember in the very least during the awkward days of junior high or middle school. Okay, maybe continuing through high school.
Or even now.
In my case the focus of that fence belied my being one of two Asian kids – an angry one, at that – in my entire grade, every single year through secondary while wishing I were like everybody else in the Midwest: White. Thankfully, the older I got, the more I embraced my identity thanks to the fact that it got to marinate and I was able to adapt. Okay, honestly? Eventually, I got outta Dodge. But would I trade that glass-empty experience for anything? Never. Because I wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate my glass-full perspective now. Actions and reactions, again.
And that’s the healthy kind of greener. The grass is always greener because if even for survival’s sake, we all want to believe that it only gets better in the future. That there are other things to look forward to than the not-so-/dismal state we’re in right now and there are things that we can do to get to that (even) better situation.
The unhealthy type of greener is represented by the fence, with which we’re fooled into believing we’re boxed in. It justifies paralysis because we buy into the fact that since the situation we weren’t given = happiness, there is nothing we can do to hop that so-called fence.
Time for another personal example. For instance, I could totally take advantage of that “‘Nam syndrome” that’s going on right now. Because I hear that Asian chicks are suddenly really hot, unlike when I was growing up. That whole non-assuming, submissive thing we got going on, it’s really “in,” I hear. (And, about that, boy do I have a surprise for you.) And it’s interesting being on both sides of that fence … you get the luxury of really figuring out what’s important. And what I figured out was important to me was that I need a man for which race is not important – favorably or unfavorably.
You don’t focus on that fence, but for the reality check you recognize where you would like to be that you presently aren’t and work on the steps in order to get there. Not that you can change race, mind you, nor am I advocating running away from your problems. (They always catch up to you.) Then again, it includes changing your perspective or your situation – or even a little of both. Regardless, every once in awhile you look behind you to express gratitude about where you used to be. Everything is progress and a process. A journey.
The grass is greener because there always exists greener pastures. Get there. And there, and there…
11 Comments
It’s a fine balance. There’s something to be said for Zen-like contentment with yourself, though I suppose this doesn’t necessarily exclude admiring other pastures.
you don’t see the other side, so your mind fills in the blanks. and your imagination always exagerates….for better or for worse.
that’s why movies are always scarier when you don’t see the monsters. you mind always makes it scarier….
and your mind always makes it better when it can’t see beyond the fence…
I’m still angry at myself for wanting to be white when I grew up in Wichita.
you are always wanting more and more. There’s also this thing called progress. you can also find it in the bookstores, under self-help, or maybe, business.
Damn girl, you took the question and ran with it, that’s for sure. Let me go back and read it again so I can wrap my tiny brain around the concepts you are throwing out…
Okay I’m back. Yeah you nailed it pretty much.
@Lexybeast: Fine balance, indeed. I would also go as far as to say that admiring others’ pastures doesn’t mean that you necessarily envy them – you could be happy for them.
@big league: If I end up envying what others have sometimes I find myself comparing other aspects of their life that I don’t even really know about – but could be negative – and figure that my life is better than those other parts and in that way reason to myself that “it all balances out.” It’s kinda effed up, really. Ultimately what I wish for is to just be happy for them, regardless. No more of this “comparing” stuff. It could be human nature but I think it’s a good place to shoot for.
@moet-chan: At times I get sad/angry that I once felt that way, too. Other times I’m thankful (like in my response to big league) that I wasn’t raised in an insular environment and that’s why I’m “so equipped” for life in the real world, now. Note the quotes, haha. To be honest, that’s just where I’m coming from and I can’t lie that I’m glad I grew up where I did. It’s all in hindsight, of course.
@Scrivs: I did, huh? I hope that was the point! Well, I guess I’m okay if it wasn’t.
Thanks for the props and for coming by.
What the efff??? The other side has grass???? I want grass!!!
a friend once said Comparison is the Killer of Joy
it’s good that you’re happy with your history since it can’t be changed unless you’re into Scientology
i treat my history in the heartland like battle scars.
it’s good to find someone to relate to. although you were probably consummate overachiever till the end whereas i plateaued around 8th grade.
thanks for sharing your reflections.
@moet-chan: Your friend has a good point.
It’s true, though, right? But at the same time it’s the most tangible of examples because it’s hard for us to come up with where exactly we’d like to be. It’s kind of natural to look at someone else. We don’t really know what it looks like.
As for battle scars, they’re scars for me too but they are also an off-shooting point. With the overachiever-ness, indeed I’m lucky that it able to be somewhat of a buoy for my self-esteem. But I look around me and (here I go again with the comparing) tons of people my age make more money than me, are going for that master’s degree. So I work on the rest of my life and remind myself that it’s the journey … and that money isn’t really the most important thing to me, and another degree is a waste of my money and time at this point, and make sure my actions reflect that, too.
Thank you for sharing a tiny bit of *your* story.
as with the issue of balance, a lot of the academic go-getters don’t have your creativity or kickass website. plus you can write and play music and most important, know how to fully enjoy city life on the left-coast. How many asian parents can say that about their kids?
I have nothing to say to that except that you are way too sweet, moet-chan.