Live It Don’t Say It

A good guy friend of mine had a dating dilemma recently. The girl, who he took out for the first time, and he meshed pretty well. Cuddling, hand-holding, good conversation, good vibes – all pretty good indicators of a successful date.

So, an obligatory I’m-not-stalking-you-but-can’t-quite-stop-thinking-about-you couple days later, he saw about a second date by giving her a call. Her cell rang a couple times then went to voicemail. A week passed. No return phone call. Another message later, still no answer or call back.

He thought, “Odd.”

The dots just didn’t connect. He recollected the date and tried to think of what could have possibly gone wrong. They conversed well, he remembered. They were compatible, or so he thought. And she was real. She said so. In fact, she had said that she just really “didn’t like fakeness.” She was all about “being real.”

Hold. It.

Real, huh?

Surely, a girl person who was into “being real” could be up front, no? Truly, if a girl could say she was not about teh fake, she could tell a guy whether she was “just not into” him, right?

It’s interesting how, when we’re not honest with ourselves, we project the qualities of the person we want to be as if we actually exemplified them. It’s as if the more we say things, the more likely they’re coming from a point of view that we have authority over the issue – and thus the act of saying it, of lying about it – makes it true testimony.

In fact, there’s something we hide underneath that. Duly, we refuse to acknowledge and fear that others will find out about it. That would just make us too honest, too vulnerable; we can’t have that now.

I mean, we all like to pretend a little bit and escape into a place or person that we don’t often visit or manifest. It’s really just so tiring to take responsibility sometimes. Honestly, now. Do we really owe anybody any favors?

No, not really. All I have to say to that, though, is don’t be so surprised when it comes back around. No one else really owes you anything, either. Including thinking you’re not disingenuous when you talk, or believing everything that comes out of your mouth. Because eventually, we won’t be surprised when your actions don’t follow through on them. And hopefully, just for your own sake, you will give youself what you deserve – the truth. When you stop overcompensating you’ll be on your way towards being the person you wished you were. People can tell because you exude it, not because you say it.

Our instincts and our intuition will be all that much better for it, too.