In my case, mine was more than just one date. It was several, plus a ton of messages, AIM conversations, etc.

Supposedly I’m the “right guy at the wrong time”. In reality, she never gave us a chance.

At least in the case of your friend, it was just one date.

Tact is good, and so is moderation.

This girl MIGHT be guilty of being both. In all honesty tho, I’ve been on both sides of that dating situtation, and I find that confrontation is very rare for a LOT of people to deal with. Honesty is a tricky thing when it comes to dating, because ideally, both parties should be completely honest. But sometimes, honesty can be too brutal, or too awkward. Being too honest with our feelings can make us seem too emotional, and often irrational, even psycho. And let’s face it, when it comes to relationships and love, people are irrational. Tact and courtesy are supposed to hide this irrationality. But I think more often than not, it gives our weaker selves an easy way out of healthy (and sometimes maybe not so healthy) confrontation.

We should all just go back to the swingin’ sixties baby…

@CM: Why, thank you. Also for the Digg submission.

@moet-chen: Or is it chan? Thankfully, he’s essentially over her. He needs someone who doesn’t employ the avoidance techniques you speak of. He’d be miserable because he’d be forever guessing her ways of communicating … or not communicating.

Also, I completely see what you’re saying in terms of cultural habits or … actually, I grew up around that sort of avoidance of communication thing and I’ve come to outright reject (and denounce) that way of relating to people. It takes too much energy and is not fair to either person. It’s just not healthy, IMHO. I think valuable relationships outright avoid that sort of thing.

@Edrei: I hear you completely on the empathy thing, leading to avoidance of confrontation. IMHO I think that sort of thing is derived from unhealthy relationships when one person demands too much from the other, so the other person is forever trapped in a state of empathy while not caring for him- or herself. That sort of thing, the negligence of emotional needs, just builds up and up until they burst, and what is the other person to do except say that he/she never really said anything the whole while - all the while knowing full well that they never wanted to hear it in the first place because he/she couldn’t take it?

I’m with you in the “being direct” school of thought. I’m content to cut out the right/wrong angle and just boil it down to flat-out compatibility with others. (Or incompatibility.) I would hope eventually, though, that people really value the idea of being honest with themselves. Because when they’re avoiding that sort of stuff it’s not just with the other person but they refuse to even acknowledge what the want/need/don’t want in their own minds. I think that’s just a disservice to themselves.

@sean: Never got the “she’s just not into you” memo?

It’s one of the main reasons we learn to wear masks in our lives. To get along well with people even if under false pretenses.

But these days, I cut to the chase. I am who am without a mask, that’s why I automatically assume all dates turn out bad. People aren’t used to that sort of directness. I think that’s a whole lot better than pretending to be someone you’re not. Good and bad, a person will at least know how to appreciate you for who you are.

If this was a guy not returning my calls, I’d think he met another girl.