Comments on: Something To Feel http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/ about a grrrrl Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:45:11 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: e*star http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21777 e*star Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:16:18 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21777 @Josh: I truly know what you mean about running away from emotions. I used to think it was as easy as cutting out that part of your life. I've come close to writing a bit about sabotaging situations as a way of ruining things for yourself before they could be ruined for you. But indeed - these things catch up with you when you don't deal with them head on, as we've learned. Thanks for being so honest. Indeed this is such tough work ... also from observing others (in addition to myself) I've come to realize that when we're not honest with ourselves about emotions and whatnot - or anything really - it's impossible to be honest with other people. @Josh: I truly know what you mean about running away from emotions. I used to think it was as easy as cutting out that part of your life. I’ve come close to writing a bit about sabotaging situations as a way of ruining things for yourself before they could be ruined for you. But indeed - these things catch up with you when you don’t deal with them head on, as we’ve learned. Thanks for being so honest. Indeed this is such tough work … also from observing others (in addition to myself) I’ve come to realize that when we’re not honest with ourselves about emotions and whatnot - or anything really - it’s impossible to be honest with other people.

]]> By: Josh http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21769 Josh Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:21:46 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21769 For a really long time I was proud of the fact that I would run away from my emotions and feelings; it was almost proof to me that I was really a guy. I've lived so long without facing my feelings that by the time I was forced to deal with some crazy shit all at once, I had no idea what to do with all these emotions that I was feeling. I'm supposed to avoid stress now. I'm not supposed to get too worked up. But, to me at least, what's the point in doing all of that? I finally have some drive and ambition in me. I don't want to run away from anything or bottle it all up or over-analyze everything. I just want to feel. I don't want to be a machine or robot anymore. It's a really hard transition to go from being a thinker and over-analyzer and purposefully avoiding any emotion or feeling to someone who embraces them. But it's starting to work, it can be done, and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm truly enjoying being so open with others but most importantly with myself. For a really long time I was proud of the fact that I would run away from my emotions and feelings; it was almost proof to me that I was really a guy. I’ve lived so long without facing my feelings that by the time I was forced to deal with some crazy shit all at once, I had no idea what to do with all these emotions that I was feeling.

I’m supposed to avoid stress now. I’m not supposed to get too worked up. But, to me at least, what’s the point in doing all of that? I finally have some drive and ambition in me. I don’t want to run away from anything or bottle it all up or over-analyze everything. I just want to feel. I don’t want to be a machine or robot anymore.

It’s a really hard transition to go from being a thinker and over-analyzer and purposefully avoiding any emotion or feeling to someone who embraces them. But it’s starting to work, it can be done, and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I’m truly enjoying being so open with others but most importantly with myself.

]]> By: e*star http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21752 e*star Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:43:52 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21752 @khaos_07: I know what you mean. I've definitely been there, and come to slowly realize that that's where you begin - with what you don't like. Because like everything else, you have to narrow things down in one way or another. :) Even now I am only beginning to find things I truly like. I think that we remember what we can cross off our lists because they get such sharp reactions within ourselves. Even when we're left with things we like, we have to narrow those down (prioritize) too... @khaos_07: I know what you mean. I’ve definitely been there, and come to slowly realize that that’s where you begin - with what you don’t like. Because like everything else, you have to narrow things down in one way or another. :) Even now I am only beginning to find things I truly like. I think that we remember what we can cross off our lists because they get such sharp reactions within ourselves. Even when we’re left with things we like, we have to narrow those down (prioritize) too…

]]> By: kHAoS_07 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21744 kHAoS_07 Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:45:06 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21744 it's been a while since i took my brigg-myers, but i think i was INTP or INFP, but i think it boils down to me always being confused...i think the biggest problem for me is that as i've gotten older, it's really hard to find what really moves you...i can think of a million things i don't like, but for the life of me, i have no idea where my passion or purpose is in life...i know it shouldn't be as easy as a light switch flicking on, but it sure wouldn't hurt if it hit me that way... it’s been a while since i took my brigg-myers, but i think i was INTP or INFP, but i think it boils down to me always being confused…i think the biggest problem for me is that as i’ve gotten older, it’s really hard to find what really moves you…i can think of a million things i don’t like, but for the life of me, i have no idea where my passion or purpose is in life…i know it shouldn’t be as easy as a light switch flicking on, but it sure wouldn’t hurt if it hit me that way…

]]> By: e*star http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21741 e*star Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:10:24 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21741 @Edrei: It's ever so apparent in your writings - so that's a testament to the content of your blog. :) I hear what you're saying on not being good enough. It's both a burden and motivator, isn't it? As for solitary existences, I would sooner die. The hurt is temporary to me, and it's worth coming out the other end, I'd like to think. If you think about it, we don't learn when things are cushy - only during our trials. @Edrei: It’s ever so apparent in your writings - so that’s a testament to the content of your blog. :) I hear what you’re saying on not being good enough. It’s both a burden and motivator, isn’t it?

As for solitary existences, I would sooner die. The hurt is temporary to me, and it’s worth coming out the other end, I’d like to think. If you think about it, we don’t learn when things are cushy - only during our trials.

]]> By: Edrei http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/comment-page-1/#comment-21718 Edrei Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:18:40 +0000 http://www.estarla.com/2008/06/24/something-to-feel/#comment-21718 To me at least, what I feel is my passion. I've left myself no other room but to be driven by the very thing that I feel. This of course leaves very little room for people that accept me for who I am, leading to a solitary existence despite my yearning for more. What I feel has always been the anger and frustration of not being "good enough". My passion has always been to reach beyond the stars. Sometimes that kind of negativity fuels our dreams beyond all expectations. The question is how many people can live with the consequences of what they will do and what they will become? Maybe then a solitary existence makes sense. Especially when you don't want to hurt the people you want to befriend and watch them turn into the monster you already know you are. To me at least, what I feel is my passion. I’ve left myself no other room but to be driven by the very thing that I feel. This of course leaves very little room for people that accept me for who I am, leading to a solitary existence despite my yearning for more.

What I feel has always been the anger and frustration of not being “good enough”. My passion has always been to reach beyond the stars. Sometimes that kind of negativity fuels our dreams beyond all expectations. The question is how many people can live with the consequences of what they will do and what they will become?

Maybe then a solitary existence makes sense. Especially when you don’t want to hurt the people you want to befriend and watch them turn into the monster you already know you are.

]]>