I’d been up there enough times. I don’t really expect people to know this, per se, and well – all reckless behavior should be reprimanded at all times no matter committed by whom.
Apparently, my carelessness was as readily apparent as was slick the OneBallJay wax on the bottom of my snowboard (and actually, my board was really pretty dry). We were at the top of the gondola. I dared rest my snowboard on its flat probably a whole 30 feet away from the edge of Climax – just inside the frame taken above.
Thankfully, Ski Patrol helped bring to light the error of my ways. I call this, Enlightenment.
“Is this your board over here?” the red, black and white-dressed patrolman in ski boots asked me. There were probably 10 other people – total – around the entire landing, which is large.
“Yeah,” I responded. What a funny question to ask, I thought. Maybe I had a limited edition snowboard and I didn’t even know it.
He proceeded to reach down and turn my board over so that the bindings were touching the snow. “When you’re standing around, you’re gonna wanna turn your board over so that your bindings are facing down,” he says.
Call me crazy but – bindings down or not – I think overall board awareness at all times is more important. And I think I have that. No upside down snowboard is going to stop itself from going downhill, anyway. Also, no one else was even near me, which might be the only scenario I could think of that might cause someone to haphazardly kick my board 30 feet and over the edge of Climax, the nearest bluff. I carry the sense around me of where my board is at almost all times, including if my snowboard might slide away.
You know, though. He made a simple suggestion. Who am I? Certainly not Ski Patrol.
And then he drops a bomb.
“Because you know, you’re responsible if you kill someone.” The best part about it was there was no expression on his face except a completely deadpan look.
Drunk on “power,” much? Huh. Interesting. Pray tell me, “So what situations would I NOT be responsible if I killed someone?”
No “someone could get seriously hurt at the bottom,” nor a simple “your board could go off the ledge” if somebody even kicked it. But *I* would be responsible if *I* killed someone. Thank you, Ski Patrol a.k.a. Cops on Skis. Don’t hate me because you failed police academy. I know, you get the short end of the stick because instead of getting to set up speed traps as a source of municipal revenue all you get to do is harass innocent little Asian girls about their homicidal snow equipment – but hell if you won’t make the most of it.
You probably live in Mammoth Lakes, Mr. Ski Patrolman, and you have great pride that you’re a local. I completely respect that. And I know there are a lot of us L.A. punks who come up every weekend and ruin all y’all locals’ traffic on Old Mammoth Road to have you eagerly anticipating every winter Sunday night when we finally leave town and go home. I apologize for that. But who’s supporting your businesses? I do my best not to act like the Urban Cowboy Hipster who comes into town and thinks she’s all high and mighty over you Funny Mountain People. If I had the guts I’d move to Mammoth for a couple years, myself, so really – you have my props. And I try and be courteous and respectful in all local establishments, I swear.
I respected Mr. Ski Patrolman’s God-given authority rolled my eyes. This particular season pass holder certainly does not plan on killing anyone this particular trip in Mammoth, but thanks.
Punk.
11 Comments
I have only one thing to say: “Respect mah authoritah”.
There, I’ve said it, I can move on now.
Oh, I respect it, son. I respect it!!
Wow, what a snarky little post. I’m sure Mr. Ski Patrol has NEVER seen someone get killed or seriously hurt by a runaway snowboard. And,your assumptions about living in a mountain town and what he “probably” thinks of you are also, ummmm, interesting (insert eye roll here).
Similarly, SingleSpeedTom, what a snarky little comment and unwielding respect to Ski Patrol authority you hold. I can see that you really have no expectations of their abilities to offset their self-imposed, jerk-like behavior to guests at their representative world-class mountain resort with their ability to assess the almost-nil chance of a runaway snowboard.
As someone who almost got careened by a runaway snowboard (Mt. High) of which the owner never got reprimanded, I take offense that the guy had to really be a jerk about what could’ve been a simple warning.
BTW, I’m curious as to what assumptions in my post you read that I hold about living in a mountain town other than putting up with weekend tourist traffic – because I’m rereading my post again and I can’t find any! Hmm, I guess I did call mountain people “funny” while reciprocatively degrading urbanites as “Hipsters.” My bad.
(insert wink here) Welcome to my blog, btw.
You’re right. My comment was a LITTLE snarky. But, as a season pass holder as well (not at Mammoth), I see too many accidents that result in serious injury. I also know several ski patrolers who are forced to deal with waaaaaay too many people with bad attitudes that are really one jack ass move away from ruining someone’s day or life (I’m NOT referring to you here, btw). And, yes, I get that there are probably many bad apples in the ski patrol bunch and apparently you ran into one.
As to the mountain town comments, maybe I ‘m reading it wrong or am unfamiliar with your style, but to me the paragraph drips with sarcasm. If I am, my apologies. But, words like “y’all” and “funny” don’t exactly connote respect to those of us who do choose to live in the mountains.
Again, my apologies if I’m being a little too grumpy–I’m probably just jealous. My home mountain has not opened yet
(Wink back at you)
I hear ya, Tom. And I know what you mean – even simple things as not being cognizant of trail merges and looking uphill.
As for Mammoth locals, I hold nothing but regard for them – just as I am sure there is a common disdain they hold for SoCalers who come up during the weekend. I know I’m not far off on this, and if I were a local I would think the same way. So to answer your uncertainty about my style, yes, I do write with a tinge of sarcasm at times.
So my answer to that is, I myself am from a small town (at least in comparison to LA) from an obscure state once upon a time, so I guess as far as using “all y’all” it was coming from kind of a point of ownership on that front. 
I hope you have a storm that DUMPS on your home mountain very, very soon!!
I don’t think I have seen this many emoticons in a comments page before
Ski patrol, huh? Did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over by the Bike Police? I was about 7 or 8 years old at the time…
@soulst0p: I know, they’re almost all mine.
@CC: You must’ve been a bad 8-year-old. j/k. Talk about cops not prioritizing.
I got ticketed by the bike police too (for wearing headphones, but I had it at a pretty low volume and can totally hear my surroundings). Spent an hour watching a circa 80s bike safety video – makes me almost wanna hairspray my hair and acid-wash my jeans.
But yea, I find great humor in ego-trips from these wannabe cop types.
Awww shiet, just got that Spice Girls song in my head too….
@HC: Hahaha. Bike police…I know the bike culture in LA is growing, but seriously you can only see this happening when we were kids.