He said, “Let me tell you how it is with me..”
“…I’m the kind of person who…”
I tuned out.
“When x happens, I y…”
I tuned out yet again. Until I realized he had stopped talking about himself long enough to feign interest in myself. Yes, he made an inquiry:
“So describe yourself.”
I guess it was my turn.
I wouldn’t say I feel exactly pretentious describing myself – but I think I’d rather hang out with a person who could, who might even prefer to, figure me out himself. That – or stop faking the opportunity to keep talking about himself.
There is an art to quantification and articulation, I’ve always believed, but then there is an art to knowing when to let things stand as they exist because talking about them would ruin mere comprehension and interpretation. It’s the art of knowing when to shut up. For cryin’ out loud, just let it be.
Talking should be saved for work purposes – because that’s just expected. There exist incentives for efficiency. Snap, snap.
Snap. I gave “describing myself” a hack anyway.
“Well. I’m real easy-going. I -”
He responded, “I can totally see that,” before continuing on.
I tuned him out yet again.
That was even before he asked permission to drunk dial me – while swearing he was “entertaining” on the drunk dial. He wasn’t. I mean – I don’t expect you to be the next Richard Pryor or anything but it’s another thing to chalk up the hype on a veiled attempt to make me an enabler to your addiction.
Yawn. Next.
There was this other line were these other lines I got from somebody else.
I had to have “a talk” because although I had seen him twice – total – the 1am, 2am, 3am and 4am texts were a tad much. A tad. As were emails with a singular You Tube link to a music video in each, which I suppose were meant to artfully and lyrically convey messages to me through the rhymes of another being or artist who had once felt exactly the same way he did at that moment.
Actually. I don’t remember what I said – admittedly, I buffered the whole “I’m just not into you” mantra with a predictible sprinkle of “I’m into being single right now.” But I’ve been all about seeking out the truth recently – while honoring others with the truth as well. After all, the truth sets you free. So does compassion and tact, however. So I managed to avoid covering the whole, “I want to never see you again because you creep me out” premise with an untruthful “we need to slow things down.” But it left things open a bit, because he tried to make his case.
“You’re really cool…”
“I have no expectations, no – none at all…”
“You can do whatever you want – you can call me, you can not talk to me ever again…”
“Yeah … I’ll take whatever I can get.”
What. What? Seriously.
Vouch for yourself for cryin’ out loud. It may be true that yes – you will take whatever you can get – but don’t actually say that. Don’t show all your cards at once. I don’t even want to play my best a good hand so I’d rather bow out.
Contact again on Facebook. Via text message. How are you doing? Really, guys and gals. And I’m not talking to them; I’m talking to you. It’s just not that hard – spare more time and pain in the long run. I wrote it out in a message, over text – in the same format it was sent – and there would be no mistake.
“I’m sorry – I’m just not interested. Just thought you should know.”
You don’t need a movie to teach you what should’ve been learnt in normal human interaction since the age of 5. Why is common sense not so common, anymore?
Next.
15 Comments
this is hilarious.
classic case of not ever learning to listen (or being expected to listen).
there are some guys i need to show this post to.
delightful post, I’ve used the “just feel like being single” card before; who cares if the other thinks I have a fear of committing? I definitely do not want to commit further with you right now.
umm, by you I meant the hypothetical other — not you you. Ok, I need to get more coffee now.
@chiwan: Thanks.
Good to know I’m not crazy.
@H.C.: Thanks to you. But at the same time, I’m hurt you don’t want to commit to me.
Wow, that sounds very uncomfortable. Part of me is kinda relieved that I never had to go through the “dating scene” since I met my husband when I was 18 and we got married 6 years later. I hear the stories of how tiring it is to sit through coffee after coffee or meal after meal of awkward conversation. But I also hear that it can be exciting, too.
@twolims: Haha, “exciting” would be one way to put it.
Cheers to you and your hubby!
Probably my favorite randomly found blog entry ever. Unfortunate experience, but amazingly well written. Kudos.
Well that’s certainly an honor, Brad. Thank you much for such a nice compliment.
Funny I should read this on your site. Show it to your friends, particularly the female friend who danced around the issue of not wanting to date me. She didn’t say no. She just took a long time to call, and then when she did, sounded bored and didn’t care whether I called her. And we have fun when we’re together. But seriously, just say, “No thanks. Not interested.” I can take it. WAY better than waiting and wondering. . .
This is a very well-written piece! And makes me really glad that I don’t have to go through that.
As for Ace, I think taking a long time to return your call is a sure sign that she’s just not that into you.
Ace, if saying it out loud is never the exception, your expressing whatever qualms you had with a girl on not her blog but her girlfriend’s blog is one way to carry that action out in a not-so-tasteful manner. Is this where I console you now – for being so mislead to wait and wonder when you yourself note that she “sounds bored” and “didn’t care whether [you] called her?”
Not sure I understand. To clarify, this piece was meant to convey my own lessons learned – not the prevalent problem with indirect girls. Maybe you learned something from your experience. Finding sympathy here…not so much.
I almost forgot – thanks for the compliment, Caroline!
Had fun hangin w/you yesterday.
It was sooo good hanging out with you and even suffering that uber-spicy beef from Jitlada together. My tongue is STILL numb!
makes me almost not miss LA and the LA “scene”…
hang in there e*. you’re a diamond amongst the rough…
@big league – Aw thanks. You know, these were all experiences that I’ve learned from. I’m not hurt. Thing is you gotta put yourself out there … I have the backup of awesome friends, and that’s really all you need.