You may be beautiful. You and I might have great conversation. And I might tell my girlfriends about you (and you, and you) to have them groan when I get to the part that you have a girlfriend.
But don’t be mistaken. It’s not that I’m sad you are already committed. If you weren’t, I would feel obligated to feel more for you than I am capable. Right now. It’s easier.Â I need easy right now.
I couldn’t lie thoughÂ and say I wasn’t ever curious if you were single. How old you are. What your passion in life is. What your craft is.
Though I’ve never met her, I respect your girlfriend. The Code is more important than ever. The keeping or breaking of it isÂ our contribution to or detraction from society. Never in the middle. Besides, if we’re a part of something greater than ourselves, this is The Way. If I am the end to everything in my words, my actions, we are all in trouble. I believe that.
This time is different. I’m not lost in transition and just looking to grab onto the nearest thing to attach myself to achieve a sort of false sense of stability or distraction. That wouldn’t beÂ fair to anyone. I know it didn’t stop me before, but denial is so early-twenties. I’ve decided it’s about time to grow up. Besides, I’ve become an expert at distracting myself with myself. It allows me to live out the respect I have for others by not using and abusing them for my own, trivial fancies.
I’m telling you -Â I am here and IÂ will relish this moment; I have arrived. I don’t need you (or you, or you)Â – but you’re welcome to contribute if I think you’re worthy. After all, only the most spectacular or stupid (self) can spoil this. I will enjoy this – I am enjoying this – and now I know I will never settle again. I won’t need to, because I will hate you for holding me back, for requiring me to expect less of you. Like I said – it wouldn’t be fair.